Sunday, July 8, 2012

Beauty in Chaos

I'm learning a big lesson in giving up control.
(How many more times am I gonna have to learn this?)

Before I moved last Saturday, I had painted myself in a dark little corner.
I was uptight, discontent.... you name it. A shadow of myself. Living a shadow of a life.

It centered around control issues that I'm not going to go more in depth about just now but suffice to say, I was making sure I was going to bed and waking up at the right time. Working the right amount of hours. Exercising exactly the right amount. Eating right. And if I deviated from any of those things, it'd send me into a spiral.  Feeling discontent, I would try to reign in a tighter control on my life ("I must not be getting enough sleep" or "Of course I feel cranky, I ate too much sugar").

How did I figure out what was 'right' for myself? From magazines, blogs, internet, word-of-mouth... Anyone but me. I was going to bed when I wasn't tired, waking when I was a zombie, eating when I was full, not eating when I was hungry...

Then I moved. It was exactly the jolt I needed.

I found myself suddenly in an area of culture (I had been living on campus... blech). Breath of fresh air.
I moved in on Saturday, which was a ton of work but I was so happy. I love moving. That happiness bubbled over and caused me to do something I wouldn't have dreamed of just a week before... At 10pm (um, bedtime), I got OUT of my PJs, showered the moving stank off and went out to my friend's birthday party. And had a drink (heavens to Betsy!) I didn't get home until almost 2am.
Tuesday night, I again went out late to another friend's birthday party. There I made FRIENDS. Like, found myself deeply connecting with people.  Not just surface conversations. I didn't get home until 1:30 am-ish.
Wednesday we went to not one, but TWO parties for the 4th of July.
Thursday was date night with Boyfriend-Fellow. I had a glass of wine with dinner (rare for me). I didn't sleep until midnight.
Friday I went out to a concert and dancing with one of my new friends I met on Tuesday (I didn't get home until 1:30 am).
Saturday, I went downtown for drinks and dancing with Boyfriend-Fellow and his out-of-town friend.

That's 6 out of the last 8 days that I've not done my usual boring evening-at-home routine!

I am no longer constraining myself to what's 'right'.  That's not to say that I'm specifically doing things that are bad. I don't drink to excess, I still choose healthier food (and eat when I'm hungry), I let myself sleep in extra to get enough rest....

I'm just not living by rules.


And I've never felt better.


  1. It can be SO hard to give up control, go with the flow, and just remember to live life and enjoy each moment. But it truly is the way to happiness :)

  2. Giving up control is a hard one...and as for how many times, I think all of us have to learn it too many times throughout our lifetime! The thing is, learning to live in the moment in a healthy way really is worth it.

  3. Here's to living life and living it large! Way to go sweetheart.

  4. Great lesson that I have to learn over and over as well.

    Also: Cutest. Photo. Ever.


How did you know I LOOOVE comments?!