Recently, my mom was cleaning out my
grandma's fridge and found this....
I know aged cheese is coveted but I'm
pretty sure this doesn't fall into that category...
If you're having difficulty reading
(or believing what you've read),
it's dated May 7th, 1976.
My mom is absolutely, without a doubt one of the funniest people I know but she's not the bubbly, ebullient type so it took me until my teenage years to really realize the extent of her hilarity. What follows is the perfect encapsulation of her witty genius. Without further ado, I present my mom's masterpiece.
Ode To A Cheese
Oh, humble, fortunate fromage
Spreadable, Casino, Blue Cheese
We have known you so long, and yet never really knew you.
From Nixon and Ford to Obama
Bell bottoms to saggy bottoms
From a family of six to one of twenty three
How have we had you so long?
Classic and simple
Neither trendy nor edgy, thus never dated or tired
Opaque, revealing not the metamorphosis within
Adopted by one so unique
Adventurous, bringing exotic flavors to the table
Striving, raising four children, graduate school, so very little time
Frugal, a child conceived in the shadow of the Great Depression
Loyal, fiercely defending all of her own, and those chosen friends (and cheeses)
Seeing no flaws
Defiant, scoffing at all rules and restrictions, including ‘use by’
Optimistic, choosing to believe the best
Yet most of the family
Would never choose their dairy to be blue
Casting not a second glance at you
Each day the door would open, hands would reach
For others, never for you
Rejection so frequent
Never fulfilling your destiny
Of spreading joy on crackers
Yet carefully, lovingly transferred to each new refrigerator
Brown-outs, black-outs, earthquakes and destruction
Thirty six years
May 7, 1976
What are YOUR fridge or pantry horror stories?
P.S. The cheese is now a family heirloom. It's currently residing with my mom.